Fast Food Pharmacy... kid's menu

Thursday, January 3, 2008

January 2, 2007

I would like to start off by saying, Fuck you Florida Power and Light. As if its not enough that you charge me out the ass at increasing rates every year, you decide to change your employees prescription benefits from Cigna to Caremark. Did you tell anyone? nope. New cards? nope. So after sitting on hold for an hour with cigna to find out why all these numbers are rejecting I find out that FPL is no longer with Cigna they switched companies completely. Well fuck you too.

So then I had to tell people that their insurance has changed. fun. So rather than sit on hold with Caremark to find out everyones ID#'s I ust used socials. The group is FPLRX by the way if anyone needs it. Social secuity number, person code 01, put in the group and keep it movin. We can switch to their ID#s when/if they get their new cards.

Fuckin' ridiculous.

Doctor's offices reopening and sending prescriptions by phone, fax, and messenger pigeons.

People screaming that it doesn't matter if their insurance coverage ended on December 31st, the prescription was written in november so it still counts... right... lets call the insurance and explain that to them. They are people too so I am sure they will completely understand.... oh oh wait they care about as much as i do at this point, maybe a little less. Because they have no soul, they are a corporation, a separate legal entity... an entity that makes lots of money and could give a shit less about you. While you were drinking and having oh so much fun on new year's eve maybe you should have swung by the pharmacy, we were open, and dropped off your "life saving" blood pressure pills that you have had since november and haven't refilled since july.

Oh and for the last damn time, if you have multiple prescriptions you need to come through the first lane of the drive-thru. It's a tube people not a magic transportation device. Laws of physics still apply and your big ass box of albuterol inhalation solution won't fit. And you can't walk over to the window. No no no! If you get hit your problem, if you get hit while I am serving you, my problem. See how that works? Not risking a lawsuit because you are lazy.

Medicaid... you know I'm not even going to go there right now. Well... happy new year.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Pre-christmas Rush

I think i deserve time and a half for December 23. Because that s the day that everyone says "oh shit let me fill this prescription i have had all month before Christmas gets here and the pharmacy is closed."
Word to the wise, corpo-pharmacies have no soul, so therefore no religion, we are open on christmas. 24 hours as usual. so no need to rush and scream that your amlodipine has to be filled in the next 15 minutes or your heart will explode.
Yelling at me in Spanish for asking you a question in English doesn't make me work harder on your prescription. Just the opposite actually, I call for a Spanish translation and move on to the next thing. Oh you can speak English now? Sorry I would hate for anything to get lost in translation, the translator will be here soon.

After running around the pharmacy checking everything I possibly could for a prescription that was presumably "lost" I told the person that I have no record of Marie ------. Oh it was under Nicole. no I didn't ask that 10 minutes ago if it was under any one else, if you were sure this was the right family member. Nope not me. ....I couldn't help the face that i pulled so i plucked out the right bag gave it to the tech at the register and said ring her out for me. They said the attitude wasn't necessary, so I cut a look and left the area. They waited for me to walk back ot to say that I was going to hell for being so "deplorable" near Jesus' birthday. I told them that that wasn't really their call. They were less than pleased.

IF YOU CAN NOT VERIFY ANYTHING ABOUT A PRESCRIPTION I WILL NOT SELL IT TO YOU. I don't care if you say it is your husbands, it's a control and even if it was motrin you can't even tell me the birth date so no you can't have it. Cursing at me and screaming does nothing but make my hand inch towards the phone to call the police because now you are acting like a drug seeker.

"have you ever had any prescriptions filled here?" Does not mean at our competitor around the corner.

oh and if you think I can call your doctor for a prescription at 7:30 pm on December 23, then you are more delusional than I originally thought when you asked for an emergency supply of cialis.

I should have spent winter break with my ass firmly planted in my couch. But alas I need the money.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


Transfers, the bane of my existence. Usually you bring in the bottle we get the info off the bottle and call the pharmacy etc. etc... when you call in and say just call the other pharmacy and get it my eye twitches.

No. The sign that says "easy transfers" also says "just bring in your bottle." let me repeat that, bring in the damn bottle! but the pharmacists made an allowance (how nice of her) so I told the guy I would transfer his prescription as soon time allowed. It was 5:30 in the afternoon and I had 15 waiters staring into the pharmacy. He threw a fit and said, "No you need you to do it now, cause they close at 6:30." called in the middle of my afternoon rush to make me do a transfer without the bottle and you want me to do it now. Ok if it gets done today count yourself lucky. After telling him in the nicest way possible that I needed to get back to work and that I would do it as soon as possible (whenever I felt ike it) I hung up the phone and went back to my counter where I had 30 prescriptions waiting to be filled.

5 minutes later this bastard called back and was pissed it hadn't been done yet. Well he wasn't on the phone with me this time, he got a fellow intern who told him, "We will get to it and hung up the phone." LoL. I love that girl.

So after I got my counter clear, 18 minutes not bad, I called to do the transfer. This ass had NO REFILLS. All that harassment and you have no refills you retard. I thank the other pharmacy for their time, hang up go back to work while relaying the story to my co-workers.

So asshat comes in about 45 minutes later to pick up his prescription and gets told there is no prescription for him. he flips out yells and screams that this is an emergency and he needs his medication. Well I explain to him that there were no refills and he replies with, "the bottle says refillable until february." *groan* "sir that does not mean unlimited refills"
"well that's ridiculous I need my medication you can't withhold my prescription I could die. you could at least give me a dose to hold me over."

"Sir we do not give emergency supplies on Viagra."

...quiet pharmacy...::snicker::snicker:: then at least three of the staff make a beeline to the back to hide their quite audible laughter. He storms off while yelling "I'm going to write a letter."

Heh well I guess you'll have plenty of time to do it now won't you.

Monday, July 16, 2007

that damn call button

The window is huge. I can see you, you can see me. Why do you feel the need to push that god forsaken button. I have stopped even picking up the phone to say "I'll be there in a minute" I just pick it up and release the connection. Just because you have pulled up does not mean that I will immediately stop serving the other person because you are now unfortunately in my line of vision.

If you know that you have a shit load of medication then you know that I can not fit it through the tube. No I will not send them one by one and no you can not get out of your car and walk over to the first lane. If your kid is asleep in the car then get in the frst lane and wait or come inside those are your choices. The end.

If you left your Percocet prescription in New jersey that is just too damn bad. No we can't transfer it. The doctor can't call it in, he can however call in Vicodin. Oh you only want the stuff with the oxy then I suggest you go back to Jersey to get your prescription.

Oh and by the way yelling at my pharmacy manager that you hope she dies in pain is not a good way to ensure customer service b/c I am almost sure when/if your doctor does call in a prescription for you it won't be ready until tomorrow afternoon.

Your name is scratched out. We can not take it. I don't give a damn if you did it because the doctor misspelled your name. We can't take it. I don't know what the original name was so I don't know that this is yours.

You, who forged that Percocet prescription, it was good, the signature was almost a spot on match, however try not to let the little things get you. Like the fact that you wrote "tak 1 tab q h daily". So... every hour daily... nope not suspicious at all. Especially not for a quantity of 120.

I hate mondays.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

For the 10th time I don't speak Spanish or Creole

I had a patient come in today, who did not speak any English whatsoever. Every other time she had been in the pharmacy she always brought her son or husband. (Both speak English better than me) She comes to pick up prescriptions she dropped off yesterday. I look her up in the computer, her insurance isn't covering either prescription and one is OTC. I try my best to explain this to her. The pharmacist on duty told me where to find the medication for the woman, and after telling me she starts laughing hysterically. When I get to aisle 3 I realize three things. Thing # 1: I have come into the feminine hygiene products section
Thing # 2: There is a very strange smell emanating from the woman
Thing # 3: I owe my pharmacist big time for this.

So the right drug is found, I bring it back to the register, and the woman bust out a crisp 10 dollar bill, already I am planning my supreme retribution on my pharmacist when the lady starts yelling at me in broken English to give her 9 dollars. I explain to her that when I said 9 dollars and ninety-nine cents, that did not mean it was $0.99. So I call the manager for a refund, hand her back the prescriptions and explain as best I can that she needs to take these back to the doc to change them something that is covered, the manager finally gets there and I'm thinking to myself something else is going to go wrong I can feel it. So then it happens: this lady won't budge, and she is absolutely positive that I am somehow stealing her medication, so I explain and explain and explain some more. She finally leaves and I turn around to 4 women laughing so hard one of them almost fell on the floor.
... About two hours later the woman comes back and THANK GOD she is with her husband. Before I can even say anything the husband starts apologizing, explaining his wife walked to the pharmacy without him, and translates for me as I re-explain what I said earlier. He actually asked me, "Was that all."
What did I learn from this: The staff pharmacist is a jerk, I need to learn to say basic things in Creole and Spanish, I suck at the whole empathy thing

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

doctor's call? yeah ok.

I'm sitting at in-window, yes I was sitting, there was a chair, no one was using it so I did. Anyway I'm sitting there typing away at the 34 images that managed to build up between my scanning, drive-thru and our neighbor stores routing shit to us. I wish my manager would let our stock run out so we could route crap to their store for once. But anyway the phone rings, I look around and oh yay I'm the only reasonable choice. ::sigh:: ok,
My comments are in bold, my thoughts are italicized.

"Hello, soul-sucking corporate pharmacy, how may I help you?"
'Um yeah I need to spell Megesterolol Ace-tat (megestrol acetate)." ...oh how tempting it was to say its spelled exactly how it sounds, but i digress.
m-e-g.. etc.,
"How much is it?"
What strength?
"What do you have?"
Are you serious?
"I need the liquid one."
Ok, 40 mg suspension, $149.99
"Ok the pill." you have a prescription?
"I need a prescription for this? But I don't have a doctor right now." Then how in the blue hell did you come up with megestrol acetate?!
I'm sorry but you need a prescription for us to sell it to you.
"Fine!" Slams phone.

Okay back to my... 38 images? What the hell?!
Phone rings again.
Insert greeting here.

"Um.. yeah I need to call in a prescription for um me-ges-ter-ro-lol acetate"
you have got to be shittin' me
sure whats the quantity and the sig?
"um, one bottle of the liquid, and um just um tell 'em to do whatever the bottle says."
right... and ths is doctor...,
and the DEA# is..."
"insert random numbers"
okay since this is clearly not a doctors office I'm going to hang up now.
"yes this is and I want..."

I hung up so I didn't catch the rest, but i was mentally hugging my high school diploma.